About 4 1/2 years ago when I was still single and living on my own I had a huge scare. It was just my son and I living in Arizona. My family relationship was par for the course, I had no man in my life, and very few friends living near. This sense of alienation was made worse by the people I worked with. I was constantly informed of my many short comings no matter who was in charge of me and I felt set up for failure more often than necessary. To put this all together, I felt alone.
Feeling alone is the worst feeling. It didn't matter that people were around or that I was loved, I couldn't see it or feel it. I was constantly sick, and if you don't believe in a mind-body connection, you should pay more attention... It's more real than the ground we walk on. I couldn't sleep, and when I did I had vivid and scary dreams. The empty feeling I constantly felt left me exhausted and constantly on edge.
In 2009 I went in for my annual exam and my doctor felt something in my left breast that didn't seem right. I didn't want to tell anyone because honestly I didn't think they would care. I am certain the chronic stress from being a single mom, soldier and student combined with the lack of sleep made me less emotionally reasonable. What if it was legitimate? What if I was sick? Who would take care of my son if I died? Finally, who other than my son would miss me? As I write this it seems insane to me. Who cares if I would be missed? I would be dead, I wouldn't know the difference. Really, I just felt like I had a wasted life, and the one miraculous thing I did was have my son and he needed me. I didn't have the option to be sick.
I let myself just go numb, set up my appointment for my mammogram and waited. The day finally came, I went into the office, put on my little goofy half gown put my boob on that cold metal slab and passed out. No, she hadn't started the squishing process, I just felt the metal, then all of a sudden my heart started pounding, ears started to ring, I saw black spots in from of my eyes I felt sweat beading up on my face and I was out. I know, I went into Iraq, rode in soft sided vehicles with my weapon poking out for "protection" without freaking out and I passed out at the thought of having a lump that could be cancerous. It makes sense though, it's easier to cope with the danger when the enemy is defined, impersonal, and outside of me, not my own body turning against me.
In the end all was fine, it was just the way I'm made, but I shared this story for a reason. I have had some reminders lately that life is short (I know, it's the longest thing we ever do, but we are a blip on the radar of the world) and it is unpredictable. I know I am not the only Soldier who feels this way, and by "this way" I mean alone. We move from place to place leaving people we love behind wherever we go. Every time we move it is an adventure, but we never know how it will be. I have been treated very well at some places and horribly in others. No rhyme or reason to it. When you are AGR I don't believe we have the same benefits as active Soldiers as I remember. They have much stronger support systems set up, and there aren't any reservists who are all from the area you now just moved to. That means they often have a connection of friends and family we don't have. Translation: they have a life, we have what and who we bring.
I keep asking myself why am I wanting to write about my experience so badly? I need a community. I adore my husband, and my son, but they can't be my girlfriends. That would be weird and inappropriate. I also want other women in similar positions to know they aren't alone and I hope I can do that at least for one person.
We all struggle. I say this more for myself because I forget sometimes other people struggle. It's easy to forget that when you're scared of being alone and your life not mattering other people may feel the same way. Today I am fairly healthy, I haven't had a serious health scare for almost three years now (I used to be in the ER once every 3-6 months), and I'm happy. I do want to do more with my life though, because I want to make a difference no matter how small. Being in the Army is a job, a career for me, and one I chose for many reasons, but it doesn't make me feel like I am truly giving back to the people that support me directly by their work with Soldier programs, or indirectly by being tax-paying citizens.
Finally, I want to say this, having a wonderful and supporting husband is a huge help, but it was more than that to make me well again. I did a lot of internal work, I knew there were many things about my life that needed to change. I also learned that falling on my backside only bruised a little, it didn't ruin me. If I had not been willing to face down my own personal demons and work on myself I know for a fact I wouldn't have this wonderful and supporting husband. Other people cannot heal us, they can only support us when we are ready to heal ourselves.
Thursday, October 31, 2013
Saturday, July 20, 2013
Full Time Soldier Mom
I know I keep saying this but it is important...These experiences and
opinions are my own. Please don't assume it is always like this. I will not
give names as it serves no purpose, and I will try to be as accurate as
possible. The opinions and viewpoints are not those of the United States Army
or anyone but me. You may want to read some of my earlier writing for this to
make more sense. I tell my story because it isn't as uncommon as one would
think and I hope it may help someone else who struggles with his/her decision
to go into the military full time.
After I came home from Iraq in 2004 I had to figure out how to support my son on my own. I knew then that I couldn't rely on his father to provide enough and children are expensive, as any parent can attest. It was clear my family was not pleased with most of my decisions. I agree, some of them were dumb, but I am bright enough to know when I need to accept that I was wrong and push forward. With all that said, I needed a job and the Army came to mind once again.
By Early 2005 I had orders to go into the Active Guard and Reserves program. This was a HUGE blessing. At the time I was only a Specialist, which is an enlisted pay grade of E-4. Not a ton of money, but more than enough to pay my bills and support my son.
It turns out not having a partner proved to be a problem. When I came to my first assignment my Commander was terribly concerned about my ability to be a Soldier because I had a child. On normal days my son was in daycare or kindergarten. When I went on longer trips I found temporary long-term care. If I deployed my son would go back to Oregon. I even had a family care plan to say where my son would go if (when) I deploy again, complete with all the trimmings. My first counseling session was an hour long and included phrases as, "If you want out, I can get you out right now" and "Just think of me as a husband without the benefits." It is important to note I was not the only single parent. My friend also had his daughter with him and the Commander offered to have his wife help out. As for me, I was left to my own devices. At the time I thought nothing of it, now I realize how unfair that was. To say that finally my standing up for myself came at a price is to put it mildly.
That all happened in 2005, and when my unit was deploying in 2007 I had to literally fight to prove my family care plan was solid and I could go without issue. Not once did I really feel any support from my leadership and my ability to deploy was constantly challenged. It was so frustrating to know that I needed to go, not wanting to leave my son but refusing to be derelict in my duty. The problem was going to Iraq meant leaving my little boy behind again. In spite of wide public support for our Soldiers, there are still those who like to voice their opinions that reflect that guilty feeling in the back of our hearts when we leave. It's worse when it comes from those who are supposed to be your main support, your family. I didn't go back into the Army just to feel cool or prove a point, nor was it a side effect of PTSD. My little boy needed a roof, food, education, and healthcare and I wanted to do something I felt was worthwhile and would set a good example for him.
Leaving again was difficult; I already missed so much during my first deployment because he was 2 when I left and three when I returned. While I was at Ft. Dix training to go back to Iraq he turned 7 and it hurt to be so far away. I was so depressed and many of our Soldiers thought I was just mean, not realizing I had so much on my mind, including my son, while ensuring they were cared for. I tried to distract myself, but every time I tried, I failed. While I was gone my son struggled for many reasons. At this time I don't feel there are enough resources for our children. Last winter was my fifth Christmas home since my last deployment and we are just now finding the resources we need to care for our son's welfare in a way that will benefit him. I will say it over and over again, deployments are rough on us, and they are just as rough on our children.
When a parent deploys it disrupts the lives of their children in a profound way. These children are found to be more likely to have social issues, depression and other symptoms of a disrupted childhood than other children. It has to be so hard on them to realize mom and/or dad are away in a place where they may not come back. We will try to leave them in the care of people we trust. What happens when those we trusted have mistreated our children? What kind of person would take your money for support and allow your child to be abused in any form? I don't know, but it happens and the parents may not find out for years. Now that I am married again things will be better if I deploy, not that I want to, but what about my son's mental health? Soldiers are not the only ones with issues, our children, our loyal and loving spouses, they all pay the price.
Why am I talking about this? First because my son struggles with social situations, he trusts no-one and is easily depressed. The other reason is I have to deal with the guilt of leaving him and hope that by sharing my situation it will help someone else who may struggle. I don't regret serving my country, but I don't like all of the side effects. The willingness to sacrifice has been lost on those who criticize, but they are entitled to their opinion. It is up to people who get it to make the best of it. It's a lot more difficult to cut into a scar, even emotional one, the trick is letting it heal enough to scar over.
Resources:
(1) http://www.goarmy.com/reserve/prior-service/active-guard-reserve.html
(2) http://www.thenewstribune.com/2012/06/24/v-lite/2192433/deployment-can-affect-childrens.html
http://www.rand.org/content/dam/rand/pubs/monographs/2011/RAND_MG1095.pdf
http://www.usafp.org/Word_PDF_Files/Research-Abstracts/2012-Annual-Meeting/Blinded-Papers-to-Score/Clinical-Investigation_CI-79.pdf
After I came home from Iraq in 2004 I had to figure out how to support my son on my own. I knew then that I couldn't rely on his father to provide enough and children are expensive, as any parent can attest. It was clear my family was not pleased with most of my decisions. I agree, some of them were dumb, but I am bright enough to know when I need to accept that I was wrong and push forward. With all that said, I needed a job and the Army came to mind once again.
By Early 2005 I had orders to go into the Active Guard and Reserves program. This was a HUGE blessing. At the time I was only a Specialist, which is an enlisted pay grade of E-4. Not a ton of money, but more than enough to pay my bills and support my son.
It turns out not having a partner proved to be a problem. When I came to my first assignment my Commander was terribly concerned about my ability to be a Soldier because I had a child. On normal days my son was in daycare or kindergarten. When I went on longer trips I found temporary long-term care. If I deployed my son would go back to Oregon. I even had a family care plan to say where my son would go if (when) I deploy again, complete with all the trimmings. My first counseling session was an hour long and included phrases as, "If you want out, I can get you out right now" and "Just think of me as a husband without the benefits." It is important to note I was not the only single parent. My friend also had his daughter with him and the Commander offered to have his wife help out. As for me, I was left to my own devices. At the time I thought nothing of it, now I realize how unfair that was. To say that finally my standing up for myself came at a price is to put it mildly.
That all happened in 2005, and when my unit was deploying in 2007 I had to literally fight to prove my family care plan was solid and I could go without issue. Not once did I really feel any support from my leadership and my ability to deploy was constantly challenged. It was so frustrating to know that I needed to go, not wanting to leave my son but refusing to be derelict in my duty. The problem was going to Iraq meant leaving my little boy behind again. In spite of wide public support for our Soldiers, there are still those who like to voice their opinions that reflect that guilty feeling in the back of our hearts when we leave. It's worse when it comes from those who are supposed to be your main support, your family. I didn't go back into the Army just to feel cool or prove a point, nor was it a side effect of PTSD. My little boy needed a roof, food, education, and healthcare and I wanted to do something I felt was worthwhile and would set a good example for him.
Leaving again was difficult; I already missed so much during my first deployment because he was 2 when I left and three when I returned. While I was at Ft. Dix training to go back to Iraq he turned 7 and it hurt to be so far away. I was so depressed and many of our Soldiers thought I was just mean, not realizing I had so much on my mind, including my son, while ensuring they were cared for. I tried to distract myself, but every time I tried, I failed. While I was gone my son struggled for many reasons. At this time I don't feel there are enough resources for our children. Last winter was my fifth Christmas home since my last deployment and we are just now finding the resources we need to care for our son's welfare in a way that will benefit him. I will say it over and over again, deployments are rough on us, and they are just as rough on our children.
When a parent deploys it disrupts the lives of their children in a profound way. These children are found to be more likely to have social issues, depression and other symptoms of a disrupted childhood than other children. It has to be so hard on them to realize mom and/or dad are away in a place where they may not come back. We will try to leave them in the care of people we trust. What happens when those we trusted have mistreated our children? What kind of person would take your money for support and allow your child to be abused in any form? I don't know, but it happens and the parents may not find out for years. Now that I am married again things will be better if I deploy, not that I want to, but what about my son's mental health? Soldiers are not the only ones with issues, our children, our loyal and loving spouses, they all pay the price.
Why am I talking about this? First because my son struggles with social situations, he trusts no-one and is easily depressed. The other reason is I have to deal with the guilt of leaving him and hope that by sharing my situation it will help someone else who may struggle. I don't regret serving my country, but I don't like all of the side effects. The willingness to sacrifice has been lost on those who criticize, but they are entitled to their opinion. It is up to people who get it to make the best of it. It's a lot more difficult to cut into a scar, even emotional one, the trick is letting it heal enough to scar over.
Resources:
(1) http://www.goarmy.com/reserve/prior-service/active-guard-reserve.html
(2) http://www.thenewstribune.com/2012/06/24/v-lite/2192433/deployment-can-affect-childrens.html
http://www.rand.org/content/dam/rand/pubs/monographs/2011/RAND_MG1095.pdf
http://www.usafp.org/Word_PDF_Files/Research-Abstracts/2012-Annual-Meeting/Blinded-Papers-to-Score/Clinical-Investigation_CI-79.pdf
Wednesday, July 10, 2013
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Saturday, November 10, 2012
Going From One War into Another
The below writings are based on my own experience from my own view. I speak for myself and acknowledge that it may not be met with approval by some. I am putting it out there in hopes to help anyone that may have had anything remotely similar. Names are not added to protect those involved. It will not help my cause to throw anyone under the proverbial bus.
 |
| Fall; a time of transition |
I can admit it, my title was a bit dramatic, but it was how
I felt. In my last article I mentioned
what it was like leaving my son behind to go into unknown territory. No one had any real idea what the war in Iraq
would be like. If they say they do….
Well, it may be under some scrutiny.
While I was there we lost a Soldier, had some serious logistics issues,
health struggles and injuries, very little communication with the outside world, questionable sanitation etc. In
addition to all that, due to poor choices on my part combined with being lulled to sleep at night
by mortars that seemed to hit a bit too close for comfort at times, (take a deep breath...)when I came
home I was a bit of a mess.
Exhausted, there was so much to process and when I came
home from Iraq my family who had my son never considered I would need a transitional time with my
little boy who demanded so much of me.
In spite of how much I missed him it was hard to think, “now what”? I have no job, a little money in the bank,
and I am terrified. My little boy relied
on me so much and when I left he was just a baby and when I came home he had become a little boy who wanted to spend every moment with me. Problem was, I had
no energy for him and didn’t know what to do with myself. It was hard for me to hear fire alarms, drive
under bridges, not swerve when I saw trash on the road, and crowds made me
sick. Don’t get me started on what loud
noises did because I have a really funny story about that, but not today.
We came home in February of 2004 and by April I felt something was
wrong. To me it seemed odd that my son’s
care giver had him call her “mommy (name)” This bothered me but I let it
go. I also noticed that she seemed very
insistent that I had a problem. Well, I
did and it is called PTSD. Not being
able to relax for 12-15 months will do that to you. To say I wasn’t working on it is a flat out
lie. I did shut myself off from my
friends a bit, and grieved for all of my losses to include loss of time with my
son, my dead marriage, as well as many other losses too numerous and obscure to try and explain.
Working in the civilian world at that point was not (nor is it now) very appealing to me
and I had the opportunity to work with the Army on active duty orders for a while to complete a mission. This opportunity
was in Ft. Lewis, WA and I lived near Portland, OR. A friend of mine gave me the name of a woman
that may appreciate the work of caring for my son as much as I would appreciate
the help. This woman did take on the harsh task of
caring for my son who had some deep anger and abandonment issues by this time
and was brilliant at it.
As the year went on the gap between my family and I became
deeper. November of 2004 I was invited
to go to a Department of the Army, Army Family Action Planning (DA AFAP)
conference. They said they would pay for
child care and my trip to offer my opinion about how to best help Army
Families. While I was in Washington D.C. a friend was concerned for my welfare so they contacted my family to see how I was. At this time my family acquired the phone number of where my son was and the drama unfolded. My sister stated to my son's caregiver she was
concerned for his welfare. He was ripped
from her and I was very volatile and unpredictable. She told this woman who was my most trusted
friend at this time what a horrid and unconscionable person I was. Phrases like “willful abandonment” and “borderline
sociopath” may have been thrown around. This
caused many issues for me and made life more difficult. I still had to work and my friend agreed
to keep helping me, but it did force her to question who I really am. In the end I realized that family for me is
who you choose, not what you are born into. The reality of how serious my sister was hit me
when I received a call from my divorce lawyer asking why she wanted a
copy of her non-parental custody. This non-parental custody was cancelled the moment I received my
orders for the end of the tour. She
wanted my son and had no qualms telling people that, but it was for his own good...right?
In the end I went into the wonderful program I am in now that moves us around the country and we
still limit contact with my family; Contact that has dwindled steadily since
2004. I am still friends with the two women who were there for me. Never will I be able to convince my family I was the one being treated unfairly in this insane drama I wanted no part of
and it is not my job to do so. To be fair it is less likely since to admit I was right would admit their own fault. This
experience had heightened my PTSD issues and made them more
complex. It is my hope that in sharing
this story to anyone who has had similar issues can know that even though you have been labeled horribly by those who
are supposed to know you best that doesn’t make them right. In the end I have learned to forgive those who
have hurt me for my own gain as anger may serve me the bitterness tears me
down. This scenario is one of many I am
sure that have happened across the country as Veterans who are parents have
been coming home for the past decade plus.
The healing of my fellow veterans and their families is very
important to me. As I move forward with this I will explain more in depth how I moved through all of these things. This story has taken me a long
time to write and brought up so many painful things it was hard to muscle
through them all. The deepest scars are
not always seen. The most painful scars
are rarely inflicted on us by enemies but by those we loved and trusted. Please see below for a link that gives many
resources for Veterans to receive help.
Have you had trouble transitioning? Do you know of any additional ways to
help? What are your struggles? Are they hard to talk about? If you have any questions please feel free to
ask. I will try to be as candid as possible. This will be pointless without the conversation.
http://www.ptsd.va.gov/public/web-resources/web-military-resources.asp
Friday, October 12, 2012
What Century is this Anyway?
Once again I wish to mention this is my own research,
thoughts and opinions. This does not
represent the thoughts or opinions of the United States Army or the Armed
Forces. I am proud of my Country and
this great progressive military that has allowed me to serve. These are my own bumps and bruises on the
road and have NOTHING to do with CURRENT Army policy and reflect only on those
mentioned. I will also not use any real
names unless given specific permission because it’s rude.
 |
| Saying Goodbye as advance party for my 2nd deployment in 2007. |
"Do not put such unlimited power into the hands of the husbands.
"Remember, all men would be tyrants if they could. If particular care and attention is not paid to the ladies, we are determined to foment a rebellion, and will not hold ourselves bound by any laws in which we have no voice or representation.” –Abigail Adams to her Husband John
It seems I have so many modern conveniences
and yet I am often found in the company of those who mentally live before Roe v. Wade,
Einstadt V. Baird, Griswold V. Connecticut and way before women’s suffrage.* Now the quote above was from Abigail Adams to
John Adams.** Abigail was an amazing and strong woman who spoke her mind and her husband
adored her for it. So it seems did his
colleagues in the Continental Congress.
I can hear you now… “What????” She is definitely someone to research if you are interested in women's history or even the history of our country since she was the woman beside John Adams.
Now that we have discussed women’s history a bit, I would
like to bring you back to women’s military history as I know it. When the WAC was initiated women were considered not equal to men. In spite of how
much they brought to the fight: skills, intelligence, drive, perspective, and
so on, they were still not allowed to go past Lieutenant Colonel unless they
were appointed Director of Women and then they were allowed to go as high as
Colonel. So close to a General’s star
it was almost devastating to some I imagine.
During that time women could not have children while serving in the military and unless she proved she
was the primary “bringer of the bacon” she would not be granted regular
compensations such as Basic Allowance for Housing (BAH). I won’t lie, I felt
like I just chewed up an aspirin to swallow when I read that.
Here comes the sticky part.
Women were not exactly welcomed with open arms by many of our
counterparts in 1978 up until even now.
Things are better and the Armed Services as a whole are cracking down on
it, but sexual harassment and discrimination are still there. Aside from the childish jokes that often occur in such a stressful environment there is a real problem with discrimination and harassment against women. Education is the only way to solve this
problem. You may wonder why this is
pertinent; because if you are not only a woman but a mother too you are hit
even harder with the discrimination.
When I first joined in 1997 it was rough. I believe the words "you all ruin everything" come to mind... At some point I did gain the respect of many
fellow Soldiers but it was too late and I was heading out the door to be with my then husband.
In 2002 after my awkward marital separation where I left
Kansas and returned to Oregon to be with my family I wasn’t sure what I wanted
to do. I worked for a temp-to-hire
agency and went from being a stay-at-home mom for two years to being a mom who
worked 40 hours a week, traveled 15 hours a week to and from work, went to
school on-line, and had about $100
left at the end of the week to play with only because I lived with my brother
who so graciously allowed me houseroom.
Funny how little money you have when you pay for gas, car, insurance,
childcare, a cheap cell phone, and a consolidated credit debt that included
your estranged husband’s debt. To top it all off I missed the Army but knew
that as a mom without a spouse it would be difficult. I was already in the
inactive ready reserves, which is sort of a voluntary draft program that one goes into to fulfill their mandatory eight year obligation, so I found a recruiter and next thing I knew I had
orders to join an Engineer Company out of Portland Oregon in July of 2002. Only two months after I left my husband I was
a mother serving her country.
I knew my company was mobilizing by September of that year and looking
at my son hurt. It physically hurt to
see his sweet little face and yell “mommy!”, when I would come home from training. It hurt knowing that my life would
be forever changed and praying it wouldn’t be detrimental to my son. Before I knew it I left my temp-to-hire job
and was in the middle of a custody battle with my then husband. I had to pack up and put faith in my family
to care for him. I did a family care
plan*** and a legal non-parental custody set up for my sister. To make this all worse many failed to realize I
wouldn’t just hang out in Kuwait or Germany while the men went up to work**** in
Iraq so I felt a little insulted. Certain
members of my family tried to convince me to use my son to get out of my
duties. They would say things like, "When he (my son) grows up he will never trust women because you abandoned him". I said I can’t, it would not be
right. I made a commitment, and I still
remembered vividly seeing the second plane go through the towers live from the news on
September 11, 2001. I had to go, and I
believed that while it may be hard on my son it would teach him so much about
honoring your commitments and the importance of patriotism and fulfilling our civic
duty. By January
of 2003 my company was mobilized, and heading for our pre-mobilization training then to Kuwait to wait for the invasion.
I believe that before I go forward it is really important to know how I started and how I ended
up here. Hopefully anyone who reads this can relate to at least a small part of what this has meant for my life to make these decisions and feel they are in good company when they have had to make their difficult choices. I was a Specialist then, that’s
an E-4 or basically a glorified private; I have come so far and have so much to
tell. When I run out of things to say I
hope to give voice to other women who have done the same.
So you aren’t left confused, why did I bring up those Supreme Court Rulings? Those Court Rulings are about allowing women freedom to make our own choices. No one has to like them or agree with them, but you cannot have a free country where half of the country are repressed or subjected to the will of others. Abigail Adams was correct; don’t forget about the ladies, we are strong and able whether we serve our country by being in the Armed Forces, at a corporate desk, behind a counter or at home with our families. It is all serving our country when we educate those around us by being ourselves and doing our part to make the world a better and more hospitable place. Education by way of experience and exposure is what will drive home the message that we are here to stay and no amount of bullying by those few who still fight our presence in the Armed Forces is going to keep us down for long.
So you aren’t left confused, why did I bring up those Supreme Court Rulings? Those Court Rulings are about allowing women freedom to make our own choices. No one has to like them or agree with them, but you cannot have a free country where half of the country are repressed or subjected to the will of others. Abigail Adams was correct; don’t forget about the ladies, we are strong and able whether we serve our country by being in the Armed Forces, at a corporate desk, behind a counter or at home with our families. It is all serving our country when we educate those around us by being ourselves and doing our part to make the world a better and more hospitable place. Education by way of experience and exposure is what will drive home the message that we are here to stay and no amount of bullying by those few who still fight our presence in the Armed Forces is going to keep us down for long.
On a final note, I do not, nor will I ever believe that we
will replace men. As I told my husband
the other night after seeing a political figure make comments of how horrible feminists are, (what about women who just believe in HUMAN rights?) I don’t want him to be less of a man to feel better about
myself. It is much better if he is "more"
of a man challenging me to be "more" of a woman.
Please feel free to leave any questions or comments. Let's make this a conversation!
Please feel free to leave any questions or comments. Let's make this a conversation!
*Women’s Suffrage was the movement that ended in women being
granted the right to vote by the 19th Amendment to the constitution.
(1920) Griswold V. Connecticut is the Supreme Court case that ended in deciding
we should have access to birth control.
(1965) Einstadt V. Baird is the Supreme Court Case where it was found
that single and married people should have equal rights and access to birth
control if they wish to have it. (1972) Roe V. Wade is the Supreme Court case
that determined a woman’s decision to an abortion is between her and her
doctor. (1973) Griswold V. Connecticut
is the Supreme Court case that ended in deciding we should have access to birth
control. (1965)
** First Vice President of the United States and second President
***proving I had provided for my son in my absence which is required by
Army
Regulation 600-20 and I have recently been told I am required to have
one even though I'm married... odd my male friends with spouses and
children are not asked for this...Just putting that out there!
**** I won’t say fight because
essentially I dug holes, I did not fight.
I won’t insult my girlfriends who have had to fire their weapons by
claiming to be one of them.
As always I encourage you to research it for a greater depth
of understanding and check out my resources!
Knowledge is power.
Monday, October 1, 2012
When did they let girls in the Army?
Shall I open with a cute and funny story? I am going to pretend I heard you say yes and
share with you this one from picking my son up from day care while in
uniform. This was in 2005:
Little Boy 1: “Is that lady in the Army?”
Little Boy 2: “No… girls aren’t allowed, that is for boys
only.”
Me: Actually sweetie,
not only am I in the Army, they let me play with big toy trucks that dig
holes, jump out of planes, aaand I went to Iraq with other “girls” and
boys.
Little Boy 2: Did they let you carry a gun?
This left me speechless so I just laughed at that question
smiled, shook my head, and told the boys to have a nice day.
 |
| Cutting a Tree for Christmas in Iraq 2003 |
I told that little story to tell you this; Women are not new to the Armed Forces but I
won’t bore you with a long history.
Instead I will give a quick snippet of how we were allowed to serve
today. I know this may come as a shock,
but women served in the Revolutionary War.
That’s right women patriots existed from day one! Women acted as spies and even opted to defend
the Nashua River Bridge with muskets and pitchforks. We shall fast forward to the Civil War and
skipping some other conflicts, about 400 women are known to have dressed as men
to fight. Even more women acted as
nurses and cooks for their respective sides.
In WWI women were called upon for help again, they needed
men to go into the front lines and women could work in administration and as
phone operators but were not considered service-members. World War II gave us the Women’s Army
Auxiliary Corps where women served but not as members of the military. This was an agency separate from the military
and by the end of WWII it was the Women’s Army Corps or WAC. Women were officially allowed to serve with
caveats. They couldn’t hold a rank
higher than Lieutenant Colonel unless they were appointed director of women then
they could be a Colonel, but never make General. (this information was found in my Army Equal Opportunity Leader Course book)
The Vietnam War increased the role of women but they still
had a separate Corps. You must remember
a show called M*A*S*H right? Gee, the
women seemed pretty close to the action… At long last October of 1978 public Law 95-485
was lifted and the WAC was eliminated.
Women were finally integrated into the Army and in 1993 the combat
exclusion law was eliminated. So, to
anyone who may ask, “Gosh, are women really capable or ready for combat?” Ask one of my military sisters who acted as
Combat Support Military Police while in theater or the female pilots who have
risked their lives laying suppressive fire.
They could use the laugh… (The
historical information was found in my Army Equal Opportunity Leader Course
book and some from the links below)
I learned to love numbers while I studied accounting and
so here goes some figures for you. Total
percentage of women serving in Active Military is approximately 15% and the
numbers are only slightly higher for the reserve components. Figure in that
only one half of one percent, that would be .5% of Americans actually serve in
the military. Question: What is 15% of .5%?
Answer: .075%. That means that
.075% of our populations of Americans are women serving in the Armed
Forces. To be fair I am including the
Coast Guard which many don’t even realize we have, or what that is. It is no wonder we are poorly represented,
there are not a whole lot of us and since we are often too busy working and
taking care of our families, going to school, and figuring out how to keep our
sanity and sense of self, we don’t have a lot of time to tell the world who we
are and what serving our country means to us or our families. Our numbers are small, but we do exist, women
who have served next to men for a long time, and in the current conflict we
even act as team leaders, Commanders and everything in between.
Why am I bringing this entire history up if I really want to
talk about moms in the military? This is
our history, women’s history, not just those of us who raised our right hands
swearing to defend against all enemies foreign and domestic. This history has proved that we may be
different but we are equal and I highly encourage you to research what I have
put in here. Google is your friend and
please don’t just take my word for it. Women are allowed to serve because of
two factors: The first is that the
decision makers knew the draft made war highly unpopular. The second is that
they needed people, and women were eager and willing to prove themselves. In a strange way it seems that women’s rights
were pushed ahead by something as controversial as war. So it just makes sense to ponder how
something so wonderful can come out of such horrors. It also bears to mind that this disproves the
idea that women wanted equal rights but not equal burden in the world.
Some Women to research: Lucy Brewer, Loreta Velasquez,
Francis Elliott Davis, Melissa Stockwell and Ann E. Dunwoody, you won’t regret
it….Or stay tuned, I may just write about them some day
All My References:
1. http://www.womensmemorial.org/H&C/History/historyeras.html
2. http://www.defense.gov/news/newsarticle.aspx?id=66253
3. http://www.statisticbrain.com/demographics-of-active-duty-u-s-military/
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